Gratuitous Violence

Let the festivities begin! The foreseeable sound of my future? Folk.
Involuntary folking takes place every August long weekend, always too expensive for me to attend, but too loud for me to ignore. My solution to several hours of peace, love and patchouli? Renting 300 - nothing like some gratuitous violence to purge the system.

Exercise in Futility

You syphilitic ass-hats. The deep recess of the fridge at work is clearly not as empty as the vacuous cavern that is your skull, since today I reach in and find the most nefarious cluster of ex-pickles ever known to mankind. If you spent ten minutes rubbing your brain cells together for some other purpose than attempting to wipe your face of a persistently vacant expression, you would have remembered the apparently taxing responsibility you have to future shifts by forcefully removing your head from whatever orifice you have it shoved into and emptying the godforsaken jar of pickles. For the love of my sanity, scrap the mold from your ill-used central cortex and show mercy by liberating the soused vegetables and thereby sparing me from the horrifying realization that I am petty enough to tear you a new asshole over a rotten jar of fetid veggies.

Sending my pearly whites to the pearly gates...

Me and my unworthy dentition are going to need a minute to process these new regulations.

"If you want, you can come in and we can file your teeth, you know, round them out so they'll have a more feminine shape."

You know what, lovely lady dentist? Now would be the time to take your fingers out of my mouth so I'm less tempted to use my square, manly teeth me gnaw on your latex fingers. When did beauty become so damn regulated that my freaking mandibles were used as a judge of my femininity? Get out of my mouth, my magazines and my t.v. This is taking skin deep beauty a little to far so lets leave my bicuspids alone. I went through several years and a lot of money to get straight teeth through the damn social inhibitors you call braces and now I don't have feminine teeth? God knows what you think of the shape of my ass, or the state of my eyebrows.

Screw it, they still gave me my free toothbrush. I'll be back for my fluoride next year.