World's Stalest Muffin

Over-caffeinated and under-slept, I encountered the seemingly innocent muffin nestled in its natural habitat. As I plucked it from it's basket, how was I to know that this particular muffin was in fact unique in its claim as... THE WORLD'S STALEST MUFFIN! Of course this interesting tidbit only revealed itself post-payment, when I deposited the baked good onto my desk. It was the abrupt 'thunk' that alerted my attention and brought about the investigation that revealed its impenetrable shell. Like Napoleon to Russia, my attempts to crack the muffin's inner sanctum were thwarted by lack of supplies. Had I delayed in my coffee drinking, I could have used my hot beverage to melt its crystalized shell. Alas, lack of foresight is a common affliction. Conceding defeat at last, I surrendered to the muffin's superior defenses. Infuriatingly, the muffin let out a resounding bang when I lobbed it to the nether regions of the nearby garbage, alerting my new classmates as to new status "crazy person who throws bricks into garbage cans"